Petrang Kabayo?

"Petrang Kabayo?"

That was the question asked by the girl at the ticket counter when my wife was buying tickets (there are only two theaters at Greenbelt 1). It really set the mood for her; she was cracking up while we were going in to see Bruce Willis' new film .



I had just got out of work and crossed the street to Greenbelt 1 to meet Michelle at National Bookstore when we bumped into our friend Jill at Via Mare. After a quick chat, I saw the movie poster from inside the restaurant and naturally geeked out. We checked on the kids and then booked a ticket for the evening's entertainment. And it was worth missing out on a home-cooked meal.

This movie about retired CIA agents is "loosely" based on the DC comic book. Well, for starters and spoiler alert, Willis' character in the movie is named Frank instead of Paul.

I have enjoyed a couple of movies this year, such as My Name is Khan, 3 Idiots, Inception, Despicable Me, Toy Story 3, and Hot Tub Time Machine. But this movie kinda takes the cake (so far). The pacing was great, and my wife really loved it in spite of not even seeing its trailer. And seriously, would you watch Inception again? I'd rather do a double take on this movie that has Helen Mirren shooting a machine gun.

The casting is superb, and it's nice to see Mary Louise Parker again although I can't remember when I last saw her perform. Ernest Borgnine is in it as well, and I pointed out to Michelle that he's the voice of Mermaid Man. But not to ruin the film for everyone, I just have to say that John Malkovich rocks in this movie. It's nice to see Cyrus the Virus in an action film again, and being John Malkovich, he does it in his unique way.

This is not a Bourne-type-simulated-action spy film. This movie is outrageous, over-the-top, cliched, and incredibly satisfying. It makes me think about retirement packages and golden parachutes in a totally different way.

Now if I can only still apply for the CIA...

WORD COUNT: 331

Would I look good without a shirt?

Vampire.

The wife thinks I am more of a vampire than a werewolf, and considering the vampire gets the girl I didn't ask any further (I think she said that primarily because I would look like this without my shirt rather than the mutated version of Tolits).

Yeah, so sue me! I had a date with the wife and we watched Gayclipse last night. The wife is really into the Stephanie Meyer books - she consumed those four novels faster than I can lose ten pounds (not happening). And I am really into my wife (pogi points, if she reads this).

But the really entertaining part of the film was when I got somewhat excited to see The Lady in The Water in the movie. So when I said, "Look, Bee, it's Bryce Dollar Howard!" And throughout the movie, I kept on noticing how weird Bryce Dollar Howard's eyes were (they are like Lady Gaga eyes!) and whenever I asked/complained why it wasn't Bryce Dollar Howard in the last two films (I think it irritated the nearby audience). The wife giggled whenever I said Bryce Dollar Howard.

The fight scenes were ok, I just don't get why the living dead/blood sucking parasites become crystal when they die (spoiler alert!... too late) and why the wolves don't need a full moon to become giant dogs. And how come Wolverine can heal himself but the wolfman here has to wear a cast? Dracula would have whipped all their @$$es. (did the author name the lead role after Bela Lugosi?)

Anyways, when the credits rolled and we waited for people to exit, I found out why I amused my wife so much. I read the name: Bryce DALLAS Howard. I'm so glad I'm married to her.

The Kung Fu Kid?

I know - the title of this post is too easy. I may have missed out on something on why it was called "The Karate Kid" and not "The Kung Fu Kid", but I still enjoyed the movie. Besides, I had little expectations from the movie, considering it was reinventing the classic Mr. Miyagi franchise and considering it had the son of an uber-celebrity starring along with a very old Jackie Chan. (Whenever I see a child of a celebrity in a movie, I get a fictional scene in my head of Mikey Arroyo asking Mommy President to be in an action movie so he can play out the fantasy of being more invincible than FPJ and Lito Lapid combined + being more irresistible to women than Rene Requestas and Weng Weng combined.)



So just maybe Jaden Smith pitched the idea to Dad Will and Mom Jada on being the new Karate Kid – except he wants the cooler style of Kung-fu Panda and not of a local dojo karate class. If you get over this dilemma of not being aptly titled as quickly as I did, then the movie should be a worthy investment of time and popcorn.



The fight scenes were exceptional, especially the tournament battles. And even if I somewhat subscribed before to Bill Simmon's take on remaking this movie, I want my son to watch it and hopefully be influenced in learning martial arts (so that maybe ten years from now I can fulfill my dream of having a bodyguard free of cost).

Would I watch “The Karate Kid” again? Yes - to both Ralph Macchio and Jaden Smith’s version. I just hope there won’t be another lame-@$$ sequel like Karate Kid 2 or The Next Karate Kid. Although the Peter Cetera song rocked (...just kidding).